I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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