listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
