At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
