Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
