I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have aggressive nipples.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
