whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
