Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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