hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
two words...techno handjob
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
