why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
