Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm too high and old for this...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
