I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize