drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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