This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
