wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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