What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
