When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
