there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
