Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize