I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
