I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
