that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
