I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
