eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
