haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
