I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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