Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
