So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
