Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
