bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
