You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
