Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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