Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
