omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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