the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
