I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
