when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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