Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
