I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
