Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
