i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
