Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want to make a zoo with you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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