and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm both gender and math confused
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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