my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
