I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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