1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
