I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
