i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
