i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In America we eat man semen.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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