Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
