Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
