I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
