come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
