Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
where are my eyebrows?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
