a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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