Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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