I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
