Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
