i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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