she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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