I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
