Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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