we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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