things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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