You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize