I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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