Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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