i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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