Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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