I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
